my boyfriend
hugs
love
kisses
back rubs
laughing
the smell of gain - except for that apple mango scent
coffee
hazelnut ANYTHING
green peppers
broccoli
cauliflower
yams
tazo passion tea - unsweetened always and forever
my redskins tervis cup
baron clay d'artagnan julius ravenclaw smith
ERMAHGERD
instagram
my camera - sebastian
my iphone
drawing
writing - when i feel like it
red solo cups
bright colors
pens
the girl brown bag from the dollar store with all of those awesome toys in it
paris
nags head
the beach - any beach
the stars
the moon
love
genuine people
jokes
pink highlighters
snow
the smell of fall
organizing
binders - but not the mitt romney kind
MYSELF
being on time - but that rarely happens
Christmas time - everyone is always so much nicer
yankee candles
clean sheets
freshly shaved legs
a good nail polish
frank sinatra
tattoos
MY BED
dolce & gabbana light blue - my scent
victoria's secret
gap jeans
toms
vans
post-it notes
my friends
sunrises
sunsets
my momma
documentaries
cooking
baking
running - just started with this, going alright for right now
food
losing weight
MOVING AT MY OWN PACE
the truth - EVEN IF IT SUCKS
the movie "Love Actually"
cooking with my family
my Maga
driving with no real destination
anything Apple
typing on a brand new keyboard - the keys sound so awesome
speaking in a british accent
germany
being good at my job
proving people wrong
Monday, March 25, 2013
Friday, March 22, 2013
trainer mike....not too shabby
so, after talking with a few friends, i decided to go to Trainer Mike to further my flabbiness reduction process. i made the call (well, text...who calls anymore, right? lol), and i'll tell you what, i was so afraid he was going to be a jerkoff. i was scared he was going to run my ass into the ground, push me harder than i could handle, make me do exercises i hadn't ever heard of......to my surprise, it was all the opposite. i walked into his gym, and he was working with a few other people, so he greeted me and told me to hold on while he finished up with them. i thought that was nice, he didn't want to take his attention away from the people he was working with. after he finished up, he had me sign a waiver (basically saying that if i get hurt under his supervision that i couldn't call the Mob and get them to come hurt him...or sue him lol). i had told him earlier this week that i kind of wanted to work out alone - i get so nervous around people like that...i think its because i feel more vulnerable in my yoga pants and sports bra - so he made sure everyone else was out before we started (although, he did do this very subtly). and he worked out with me the whole time. made sure i understood what muscles were being worked, how the exercise would help my body, and he made sure i was doing the exercises correctly. he danced around while i was taking my breathers, talked to me...just made me feel really comfortable. it motivated me to push myself harder. like, to the max. and i didn't feel weird or awkward, and that made me want to work harder too. it was just all around a great experience.
I'M BOUT TO BE CUTTTT UP!
Monday, March 18, 2013
accept what is :)
i just want to emphasize that normal people don't go around destroying other human beings. with that said, if someone is treating you like a bag of flaming dog shit, try your damnedest to not let it get to you. don't take it personal. it's not you, it's them. this may sound crazy, but accept what is. accept that they will be tortured by karma one day for all of this, not you. accept that they have the issue, and you are just the receiver, that's IT. and if you're lucky enough, the universe will bless you with being able to witness karma coming back and biting them in the ass.
when you start to tell yourself "accept what is", you'll start to notice you're more peaceful. don't get me wrong, it's very difficult and it takes practice and patience, but start by doing it with every situation - work, traffic, when your kids defy you, when your roommate uses your deodorant (??? lol idk lemme alone), when your mom asks when you're going to give her grandbabies, when you get bad news, when you stub your toe, when your hair just won't work for you...ACCEPT WHAT IS. i promise you will be happier, calmer, and more peaceful.
have a good monday, and accept what is :)
when you start to tell yourself "accept what is", you'll start to notice you're more peaceful. don't get me wrong, it's very difficult and it takes practice and patience, but start by doing it with every situation - work, traffic, when your kids defy you, when your roommate uses your deodorant (??? lol idk lemme alone), when your mom asks when you're going to give her grandbabies, when you get bad news, when you stub your toe, when your hair just won't work for you...ACCEPT WHAT IS. i promise you will be happier, calmer, and more peaceful.
have a good monday, and accept what is :)
Sunday, March 17, 2013
toFUUUUUUUU
since i've decided to take the "go veg" plunge, i've mostly been sticking to….i guess you could say its processed….vegetarian foods. e.g. light life products, tofurky, morning star, quorn, and gardein. HOW-WEH-WUR, yesterday i ventured out to newport news (i usually stay away from that side of the water) and went to trader joe's. 1.) that place is amazing. 2.) i bought dark chocolate covered edamame….SON. anyway, i got a couple things of organic baked tofu. savory and teriyaki flavored to be exact. and tonight was the first time i ever cooked using tofu O.O it was interesting, but really neat at the same time. i'd never eaten tofu, like…just eating tofu as my main meat portion of my meal. it was delicious! the boyfriend has been helping me with this transition, and as soon as i'm ready, he's going to be giving me more recipes for tofu :D i can't wait!
it's crazy how far i've come with this lifestyle change. a couple years ago, i probably would have gagged at the thought of eating just plain tofu. i've always liked veggie burgers and things like that, but tofu? dude, i would have throat judo-chopped anyone that suggested tofu instead of steak, k?! but knowing what soy does to my body PHYSIOLOGICALLY, i WANT to eat it. and i've seen the change! i feel it, see it, and love it.
to give you a little background, i have PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome), which means that 1.) i don't ovulate regularly; 2.) i have more androgens than estrogen (which causes the irregular ovulation); 3.) it has deemed me insulin resistant (my addiction to chocolate and bread does not help me there); 4.) the insulin resistance alone causes a weight gain around my midsection, which explains the thinner limbs -_- and 5.) the extra androgens cause me to have more hair in places that a woman shouldn't have dark hair (my neck, arms, stomach, lower back….yeah, paints a pretty picture, huh?) it's whatever, i don't' care anymore. anyway, well soy has phytoestrogens in it, which attach to estrogen receptors and acts as a hormone treatment replacement for women who are menopausal, and for women that have issues such as i do.
because i've transitioned to vegetarian, i've been consuming a lot of soy. well this month was my first exactly 30 day cycle! i don't care who you are, thats freaking fabulous. my PMS symptoms were even way better than they usually are. normally, the first sign of PMS for me is "I WANT CHOCOLATE AND CHEESE!!!!!" so terrible, but that's how it be. this time, i just……started……and i was so surprised, but i also knew that it was because of my recent increase of soy intake. its really awesome to know that what you're doing is going to cause a change….but to actually see it happen, and FEEL IT happen, is a completely different experience. i feel so awesome about it, and its weird but i can't really share it with certain people bc its about…dun dun dun…FLO. but whatever, its natural, all women go through it.
anywho, thats my gross story for the week. time to hit the sack so i can wake up and slave for the man tomorrow. SIGH. go veg!
it's crazy how far i've come with this lifestyle change. a couple years ago, i probably would have gagged at the thought of eating just plain tofu. i've always liked veggie burgers and things like that, but tofu? dude, i would have throat judo-chopped anyone that suggested tofu instead of steak, k?! but knowing what soy does to my body PHYSIOLOGICALLY, i WANT to eat it. and i've seen the change! i feel it, see it, and love it.
to give you a little background, i have PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome), which means that 1.) i don't ovulate regularly; 2.) i have more androgens than estrogen (which causes the irregular ovulation); 3.) it has deemed me insulin resistant (my addiction to chocolate and bread does not help me there); 4.) the insulin resistance alone causes a weight gain around my midsection, which explains the thinner limbs -_- and 5.) the extra androgens cause me to have more hair in places that a woman shouldn't have dark hair (my neck, arms, stomach, lower back….yeah, paints a pretty picture, huh?) it's whatever, i don't' care anymore. anyway, well soy has phytoestrogens in it, which attach to estrogen receptors and acts as a hormone treatment replacement for women who are menopausal, and for women that have issues such as i do.
because i've transitioned to vegetarian, i've been consuming a lot of soy. well this month was my first exactly 30 day cycle! i don't care who you are, thats freaking fabulous. my PMS symptoms were even way better than they usually are. normally, the first sign of PMS for me is "I WANT CHOCOLATE AND CHEESE!!!!!" so terrible, but that's how it be. this time, i just……started……and i was so surprised, but i also knew that it was because of my recent increase of soy intake. its really awesome to know that what you're doing is going to cause a change….but to actually see it happen, and FEEL IT happen, is a completely different experience. i feel so awesome about it, and its weird but i can't really share it with certain people bc its about…dun dun dun…FLO. but whatever, its natural, all women go through it.
anywho, thats my gross story for the week. time to hit the sack so i can wake up and slave for the man tomorrow. SIGH. go veg!
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
lonely vs. being alone
throughout my journey of growth over the past couple years, i have endured a lot of trials and tribulations. some days, i would experience so many emotions its a wonder they didn't radiate off of my skin. i'd go from content to sad to okay to happy to joyous to irate to depressed to tunnel vision furious back to content again in a matter of 3 minutes and 27 seconds sometimes. i had to do it alone, too, did i mention that yet? a lot of the people that care about me wanted me to just be happy. "that part of your life is over!", "thank god you got away from that!", and "i don't understand why you are so sad, he treated you so badly...you should be happy you're out of that," and "that's all you talk about to me, don't you have anything to talk about?" but what everyone failed to realize was that he and my marriage to him were all i knew as an adult, and most of my adolescence. i was with him for 10 years. that's a lot to walk away from and be fine with leaving behind. a part of my life had ended, i needed support and love; but honestly, i never really got that. so, essentially, i had to go through all of this alone, no guidance, no outlets, nothing. i wasn't really fine with it, quite frankly...but looking back, i am EXTREMELY thankful that i didn't have many people to count on; i learned out to sweep up the pieces, glue them back together, and keep them in place on my own. i learned how to hold myself accountable. i learned that i am truly the only person i can really trust. i learned that i really am my own worst enemy. i learned that being alone is OK. i learned that in order to appreciate and value someone else's company, you must first enjoy your own. sure, sometimes i wish i had someone around just to talk to, but i am never, EVER lonely. i thoroughly enjoy my own company. i like to read, research, crochet, draw, doodle, listen to music, and just THINK when i have time to myself. actually, sometimes i purposely isolate myself from people so that i can revisit all of those things, to remind myself to appreciate ME.
KNOW THE DIFFERENCE, PEOPLE. being alone does not have to = being lonely. get to know yourselves, you will find that you can also be your very best friend.
KNOW THE DIFFERENCE, PEOPLE. being alone does not have to = being lonely. get to know yourselves, you will find that you can also be your very best friend.
Sunday, March 3, 2013
rebellious ways
I was having a conversation with a friend last night about why people stay in their current lifestyle situations. I was telling her how, after much research, I've decided to transition to vegetarian and eventually vegan. I definitely haven't always felt that way.
She was saying that, as a big girl (and always being bigger), she was always told she was fat. By her father, by her grandmother, by random cruel people in the mall or walking down the street. After growing comfortable in her own skin (which, I don't believe to be true, and I'll tell you why later), when anyone says "YOU SHOULDN'T EAT THIS!" or "YOU'RE GOING TO GET FAT IF YOU EAT THAT," it's an act of rebellion to eat whatever the hell you want to eat. I won't lie, I've been there, done that. I also know that after I'm done "eating whatever the hell I want," I feel like straight dog shit.
So instead of staying stagnant, I decided to do things that would make me feel better and healthier; in turn, those things will make me lose weight. Maybe not in a short period of time, but by creating better habits, I will be leaner in the long run. Instead of stopping at Dunkin Donuts for a coffee and a donut I've switched to oatmeal and an apple, paired with my own coffee and cream from home. Instead of a Whopper meal and a Coke at lunch, I've switched to salads and soup and sandwiches with vegetarian lunch meat, and TONS of water. I actually haven't had a soda in about a month now - that alone has changed a lot about the way I feel. To be honest, I'm afraid to drink soda anymore, lol.
Anywho, now on to why we never really feel completely comfortable in our own skin. We can say we love ourselves all day long, that we don't care what other people think about us, blah blah BLAH. But there is always something we want to change, and we DO care about what people think. Why else do we conform to the new fashion styles? I mean seriously, why in the HELL would anyone in their RIGHT mind wear those Marant moon shoe looking things?!?! Anyway, it could be your hair, your nails, dry skin, arms, legs, flat ass, STOMACH. My mother is a size 2 and probably weighs 110 pounds soaking wet, and she has told me she hates it. Even thin people can feel self conscious. In a society where "Thin Is Beautiful", it's difficult as a chubbster to really be comfortable. We have TV telling us how we should look, magazines, newspapers, even the music industry. But nobody is telling anyone (in the media) how to just FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF. Instead of telling "bitches" to be a 36-24-36, how about tell women that they are all beautiful. Hell, it doesn't even have to just be aimed at women; but we are emotional creatures, it's a little harder for us to handle scrutiny.
So create better habits. You don't have to tackle everything at once. Start small and work your way up. I started by cutting out soda, and it was the best thing I've ever done. Break out of the rebellion habit, it really isn't hurting anyone but YOU.
She was saying that, as a big girl (and always being bigger), she was always told she was fat. By her father, by her grandmother, by random cruel people in the mall or walking down the street. After growing comfortable in her own skin (which, I don't believe to be true, and I'll tell you why later), when anyone says "YOU SHOULDN'T EAT THIS!" or "YOU'RE GOING TO GET FAT IF YOU EAT THAT," it's an act of rebellion to eat whatever the hell you want to eat. I won't lie, I've been there, done that. I also know that after I'm done "eating whatever the hell I want," I feel like straight dog shit.
So instead of staying stagnant, I decided to do things that would make me feel better and healthier; in turn, those things will make me lose weight. Maybe not in a short period of time, but by creating better habits, I will be leaner in the long run. Instead of stopping at Dunkin Donuts for a coffee and a donut I've switched to oatmeal and an apple, paired with my own coffee and cream from home. Instead of a Whopper meal and a Coke at lunch, I've switched to salads and soup and sandwiches with vegetarian lunch meat, and TONS of water. I actually haven't had a soda in about a month now - that alone has changed a lot about the way I feel. To be honest, I'm afraid to drink soda anymore, lol.
Anywho, now on to why we never really feel completely comfortable in our own skin. We can say we love ourselves all day long, that we don't care what other people think about us, blah blah BLAH. But there is always something we want to change, and we DO care about what people think. Why else do we conform to the new fashion styles? I mean seriously, why in the HELL would anyone in their RIGHT mind wear those Marant moon shoe looking things?!?! Anyway, it could be your hair, your nails, dry skin, arms, legs, flat ass, STOMACH. My mother is a size 2 and probably weighs 110 pounds soaking wet, and she has told me she hates it. Even thin people can feel self conscious. In a society where "Thin Is Beautiful", it's difficult as a chubbster to really be comfortable. We have TV telling us how we should look, magazines, newspapers, even the music industry. But nobody is telling anyone (in the media) how to just FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF. Instead of telling "bitches" to be a 36-24-36, how about tell women that they are all beautiful. Hell, it doesn't even have to just be aimed at women; but we are emotional creatures, it's a little harder for us to handle scrutiny.
So create better habits. You don't have to tackle everything at once. Start small and work your way up. I started by cutting out soda, and it was the best thing I've ever done. Break out of the rebellion habit, it really isn't hurting anyone but YOU.
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